Q: I wrote to you a few months ago with feedback about what was happening for me in a relationship. I have been working with the Course in Relationships for some time now. Anyway I have been going through a lot of grief because this relationship came to an end. He cut off contact with me when I went interstate for a two week holiday. He said he didn't want to have phone contact because he was thinking about where he wanted to go with our relationship. I was heartbroken. When I got back he had sent me an email ending the relationship. I still cry about 'the loss' and yet I did not really 'lose' anything. He was not a good choice for me, he was operating from unconscious awareness and did not believe in God. I thought that his heart which was a kind heart would be enough, but when we had some conflict he was not able to deal with it at all and was unable to work through it.

Anyway I was thinking a few times that I would really like to meet a spiritual man who could do rock 'n roll dancing which I love and which my past partner and I did together. I really missed the dancing. Lo and behold I have met a lovely spiritual man who is a rock 'n roll dancer. He has a beautiful heart and soul but when I met him I found his appearance and the way he talked unattractive. Not the content of his communication, but the sound of his voice. Yet this was this beautiful heart and soul and so I am really enjoying his company but finding it hard to accept his weasely physical appearance. So when I spoke to him that night I said I didn't want a romantic relationship with him, I just wanted us to be friends. I need to see that a weasel can be a beautiful man on the inside and I need to stop my thoughts because they are being shown to me. It is so hard!!!!!
I guess this is all ego based stuff. Deep down in my heart and soul I 'know' that I have worked hard on the course in relationship study and I have attracted a heart and soul opening partner. This new man sees me as a beautiful heart and soul and won't let me go so easily. Last night I got upset and suggested we just end our contact. He just stayed calm and peaceful and we talked it through. He is very understanding and patient and recognizes that I am fearful because of my past hurts. I am not used to receiving such blessings from a man. I know I have created this man in my life and I don't want to sabotage it. My ego is trying hard to sabotage this. Do you have any suggestions that might help me?
God bless you with his never ending peace today and always.

A: Beloved One
It sounds like you are doing really well with recognizing in each circumstance that it is always your own thoughts and judgments being mirrored back to you (i.e. by your daughters).It is helpful to keep in mind that people aren't really people – they are thoughts. As you heal your mind and you release thoughts that no longer serve you, people in your life may seem to change or disappear. The world is a world of ideas, a reflection or out-picturing of beliefs.

Each experience you have of sadness, loss or grief is the result of thoughts projected out on to people. By tracing your thoughts inward you are able to get down to your beliefs and even deeper beneath your beliefs to your desires. By sitting and meditating in a state of enquiry, you can ask yourself "what do I really believe is true" regarding a certain situation.
When your desire is split / when you desire anything other than God, then you are on the ego's playing field and your thoughts, emotions and perceptual world will reflect back to you your split desire (your for something other than God – which cannot possibly bring you Love). The emotions will be unlike love and the perceptual world will be distorted.

In every moment you choose to perceive your brother as a body or you behold the spirit. This relationship seems to be the perfect opportunity for you to practice beholding the spirit and allowing the Holy Spirit to Guide you in an experience of holy relationship in which all judgment and fear of love can come up for release.

Regarding sexuality / romance, simply follow your prompts in every moment, allowing yourself the time to tune in and check that each step you take feels right. Rather than drawing conclusions or setting rules and boundaries, or trying to define the relationship in worldly terms, allow the Holy Spirit to Guide you gently, moment by moment, in an intuitive way that feels right for you. Each moment is fresh and new, an opportunity to release expectations of yourself and your brother. The past has gone, and this includes the very recent past – and you are free to be Who you are in every given moment.

Communicate openly with your friend about the purpose of your relationship, about your commitment to God and to healing. When opening to Real Love and releasing fear is the purpose and you hold it out front together, you pave the way for trust to develop. When you are clear about purpose you can quickly dismiss the ego when you sense a feeling of pressure or a fear of "taking things personally". Treat your relationship like a new flower opening it's petals in the warm sunshine. It is in need of gentle nurturing and tender care and all that is required is Given of God – you do not have to try to figure out how to make the sun shine and the rain fall.

Remember always to put God first, and then enjoy!
With love.

Q: Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my 'call for help'. I still struggle with understanding the concept of there being 'no people out there' only my thoughts. However I reflected on the words when you said people may seem to change or disappearYes, (my new friend) is a miracle in my life and that is because I am changing my mind about what I deserve - for too long I have carried a deep seated belief that I am not worthy of the best and that relationships always mean rejection and pain. God only wants me to have the very best and to express love and let go of fear (ego). Thank you so much and I will remember (because I am a quick forgetter) to ask the Holy Spirit to guide me in every moment as to what needs to happen. I will remember to hold the relationship up as a way to opening to real love and releasing fear.
God bless your beautiful heart and soul today and always.

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